


not supposed to look at her like that

by sadmax



Category: Girl Meets World
Genre: F/F, One-Sided Attraction, Pre-Slash, Teenagers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-16
Updated: 2017-11-16
Packaged: 2019-02-03 05:53:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,033
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12742284
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sadmax/pseuds/sadmax
Summary: Maya knows she's not supposed to look at her best friend like that.





	not supposed to look at her like that

**Author's Note:**

> They're all between 16 and 17 in this fic. jsyk
> 
> i tried my best with it! I really like how it turned out. And if there are any mistakes forgive me, my native language is not english!  
> (and I also wrote this at 2 am so yeah)  
> anyways!! hope y'all like it and enjoy it.

The first time Maya realised she wasn’t supposed to look at Riley that way was when they were watching a movie, and the light of the TV illuminated Riley’s eyes in a way that made them shine like diamonds but at the same time it made them look so dark and deep, so full of secrets and things Riley kept from her, that Maya just wanted to look into them for hours trying to figure out every feeling, every thought and every emotion Riley had.

The sound of Riley cheering for something on the movie was what made Maya look up from her to the screen.

Riley was cheering for the girl protagonist to kiss the boy, and Maya felt something cut deep in her and burn a hole in her chest.

It felt strange, not being able to relate to those movies, to the talks the girls had in school, the looks between the boys and the girls. 

While girls wondered what boys would think of their outfit that day, Maya wondered if hers would match Riley’s, if she would find it cute or just nice.

Mr. Matthews had talked about this kind of things once, he said it was most likely confusion, and discovering yourself.

but it didn’t felt like confusion to Maya, it felt real and sure that she wanted to gaze into her best friend’s eyes, hold her hand and tell her sweet things with more meaning than the ones she says now.

Riley means so much to her that she’s scared of her own feelings, of what could happen if something that she shouldn’t say, something she shouldn’t even think about slips out of her mouth

 

and right now, sitting besides Riley, with her arm around her and their legs in a tangled mess, looking at the TV screen and seeing something she’s never going to have, she erases those thoughts of her memory and forgets she isn’t supposed to look at Riley like that.

  
  
  


The second time, she didn’t realise it until Farkle send her a look across the room, with worried eyes and a small smile that felt more like consolation prize than an encouraging smile.

she knew that Farkle knew, he’d always knew, even before they themselves did. He was just too good at reading people, and still he didn’t know how to handle his own feelings. Maya knows what it feels to hide it all away because none taught you how to deal with them, it’s not like any of them knew anyways, but Farkle was different, he didn’t even considered having human emotions until the night he broke up with Smackle and knocked on Maya’s apartment door at ten pm, his eyes puffy and red and his hands shaking, 

“I don’t know what this is,” he said to her, he closed his fists so tight his knuckles were almost white and his eyes glazed over with tears “I- we- Smackle and I- we broke up” he managed to choke without sobbing

Maya stood there, taking aback by everything, she had never seen Farkle so broken, and she never thought that a break up would leave him like this. None thought that, not even Farkle himself.

“Wha- how? when?” she moved closer and took Farkle’s hand leading him inside the apartment -her mother was working late that night- and guided him to the couch

“about twenty minutes ago?” it sounded more like a question rather than a fact and his voice was quivering and his hand griped Maya’s a little too strong, but she didn’t let go 

she watched as he tried to keep the tears back, running a hand through his hair and looking anywhere but Maya 

“sweetheart, I’m so sorry,” Maya didn’t know what to do or what to say, she had never comforted anyone about a breakup, this was foreign to her “how did it happen, you two seemed so… stable” 

Farkle looked at her this time, biting his bottom lip “I too thought we were stable, but- I don’t know what happened,” he looked at the ground and frowned “we were talking just fine and then we started arguing, and I can’t even remember why” 

Maya never thought it was possible for Farkle to argue with anyone, not in a serious non-scientific way anyways, but here he is, sobbing on her couch about his messy break up with his girlfriend

 

He finally looked back at her, a frown still on his face, and now that Maya could see him well, he seemed more confused than angry or sad

 

“It’s just so weird, Maya, it’s like I’ve had all this stuff inside me and I couldn’t let it out until tonight,” he ran a hand through his hair again “and now everything is just too much” 

 

she knew that feeling, she felt that for so long, it all blew up on her one night while sketching on her bed the view outside the window. And the tears didn’t stop until she called Riley, until she had let it all out, her feelings about her dad, about Shawn and Riley’s family, about Lucas and their friends, but never about Riley though, she was scared of what might slip out.

She held Farkle close, letting him cry on her chest, his arms around her waist and hers around his shaking shoulders.

They both fell asleep on the couch of Maya’s apartment.

 

So now, with him giving her that look as if he understands what she’s going through, makes her face the other direction to stop looking at Riley and stop looking at Farkle and to stop having thoughts she shouldn’t have for her best friend, not now while she’s talking about the cute guy that bought her a muffin the other day at the coffee shop in front of the school.

 

And Maya wonders if Mr. Matthews could teach her how to hide her looks, her smiles, her feelings and her thoughts.

But she knows that she can’t, she can’t change that.

She also can’t change the fact that Farkle keeps looking at her from time to time, whenever he catches her staring at Riley for more than necessary.

and she also can’t change how she catches the way he looks at Lucas, how it’s his eyes and then his lips, and then the floor because she can see he’s scared someone might see. 

 

So when she catches Farkle’s eyes from across the room is her turn to give him a consolation prize smile.

  
  


The third time was at a party, and Maya was well aware she should've not been looking at Riley. 

Riley with her charming smile, her hair up in a bun and her dress all messed up from the dancing, her cheeks red from the heath inside the house and her lips red because of the -now slightly smudged- lipstick  

she should’ve not been looking because Zay was there with her, talking to her and when she didn’t respond his eyes followed Maya’s and he saw her too.

 

“oh” was the only thing he said before awkwardly patting Maya on the shoulder 

 

“yeah” was her only response, because she didn’t know what else to say. It wasn’t only Farkle now, it was Zay too. 

 

Zay stood there for a couple of seconds before saying he was going to go look for Lucas and Farkle. She knew it was an excuse to not stand in the awkward silence -as much silence as you can have in a party full of teenagers blasting music- anymore, she didn’t mind though, she would rather be alone with her thoughts than have to explain her feelings, feelings she didn’t fully comprehend yet.

 

Riley saw her, smiled at her and took her hand, dragging her to the ‘dance floor’.

 

And with her hands around Riley’s waist, and Riley’s face so close to hers, she forgot why she shouldn’t have those thoughts about such a pretty girl.

  
  


The fourth time, it wasn’t only her so it was alright- well maybe not, but still.

 

Riley was trying on dresses for her date with the Muffin Guy,(that’s what the group decided to call him) and she invited all of them to help her pick one. But it was even harder, because the one Maya liked, Lucas didn’t, and the one Lucas liked, Farkle didn’t, and if Smackle made a comment about how the dress didn’t go with Riley’s eyes then that dress was officially off the list.

“Uhg, guys!” Riley whined and stomped to her closet to grab another dress

to Maya, she had looked beautiful in every dress, and she couldn’t care less what Riley was wearing as long as it made her happy

 

“Riles, wear whatever you want, you’ll look amazing anyways,” she said standing up from the bay window and walking to Riley “if he complains about what you’re wearing -which I highly doubt he does- then he’s not worth it” she grabbed a violet dress from the closet and shoved into Riley’s hands

 

“Thanks, peaches” Riley smiled gratefully and walked out of the room towards the bathroom with dress in hands.

 

Once she was gone, Maya sighed of relief while Lucas said,

“If that guys does anything to break her heart, I’ll break his legs-” since Riley became quite popular between the guys at school after the summer of their second year of high school where her acne cleared out and her face changed from chubby and rosy cheeks, to sharp chin and standing out cheekbones, Lucas had made that threat more times than Maya can count with her two hands. 

And in all honesty, she makes the same threat, just silently and without the part of breaking Riley’s heart, she just wants to break the legs of every boy that seems like he could take Riley away.

“Yes, Lucas, we know,” Farkle said, resting his face on his hands with his arms on his legs “we’ve all silently made that promise the first time she dated a guy out of our circle of friends” 

Lucas opened his mouth to respond but closed it when Riley came through the door, a sweet smile on her face -and a little makeup- and her hair down in a braid

“so? how do I look?” she asked, doing a little spin and then a bow.

And Maya never felt an urge so strong to kiss her, to make her forget that her date was with a guy a not with her, to grab her hand and pretend like Riley loved her back the way she loved Riley.

Even tho she wanted, she didn’t. She just smiled, grabbed Riley’s hand and said

 

“You look stunning, sunshine,” Maya felt her heart break “he’s gonna love you.”

  
  


The fifth time it was Topanga who caught her eyes while bringing over their drinks.

Farkle had been going off about this thing he read online last week, but Maya couldn’t focus on what he was saying, she was too concentrated on watching the light that came through the window of the cafeteria, shining on Riley’s new dyed purple strands of hair, making some of them look a little more lilac than purple,  and how it also made Riley’s slight freckles stand out more on her summer-tanned skin.

and Topanga caught her eyes, caught her eyes and stared at her for a moment before smiling and looking at her with a knowing mother look, a look that Maya had come to fear after spending so much time with the Matthews’ 

she didn’t know what to do so she just concentrated on her drink and then on Farkle, trying to listen what he was saying, and the more she looked at him, the more she realised how close he was to Lucas, how their knees and elbows were almost touching, the way Lucas’ hand rose Farkle’s when they both went to grab their drinks at the same time, and how Lucas’ lips quirked up right in a light smile, but not quite.

  
and Maya wondered if someday she would rose Riley’s hand with hers and it won’t be a mistake at all, and they would both know it, and they would both accept it.

**Author's Note:**

> so, I was thinking of writing a Larkle fic, like, a prequel of the last part of this fic?idk maybe. I really wanna explore Farkle's character, so I'd be a more Farkle centric fic than a Larkle one but I'll try my best


End file.
